The Fifth Marauder
by Tim C
Summary: Just a goofy little self-insertion in the MWPP era at hogwarts, which may or may not end up being short vingettes (1 per chapter). Note that this is only my first fic. Feel free to mst it, just tell me first and send me a link
1. Chapter 1 - A plan is forming...

"The Fifth Marauder"

((And no, it's not Lily!))

by

Tim Cline

  
  


(A/N) Yes, this is a self/character insertion, but i see nothing wrong with such things.

  
  


"Oh yes, this ones going to go down in Hogwarts history!"

  
  


"I swear it's got to be a giant leap forward in the science of magical pranks."

  
  


"Brilliance, sheer unadulterated brilliance!"

  
  


The marauders were sitting in the dorm room that they shared, discussing there upcoming plans for there usual victims, the Slytherins, and there arch-nemesis, Severus Snape in particular. The marauders hated Snape with a passion. Mainly because he seemed to view most other people as particularly bothersome insects. Snape, however, hated them because they weren't him. "Well, guys that is a rather brilliant prank, even for the four of you...pity it can't possibly physically work." The heads of the four marauders suddenly whipped up, by the looks upon there faces, you would assume that they had been hit by lightening. Slowly they turned there heads to the source of the disturbance. 

  
  


They discovered a short, thin boy with light brown hair that made James' look under control and wearing grey wire frame glasses sitting in a wheelchair that was, oddly enough, hovering a few inches off the floor. His arms were crossed over his chest and he wore an impish grin on his face. One member of the group in particular, a thin boy with short dirty blond hair, looked at him with a face that was a mask of comic fury. "Oh, have a look at this guys, it's everyone's favorite menace to the feet of Gryffindors, Tim Cline. So, what makes you think that a little twerp like you has any right to insult any plan of ours. We are, after all, the best pranksters this school has ever seen!" The young man uncrossed his arms, sighed in a resigned sort of way and pulled out his wand and pointed it as his chair. "Finite Leviosa" he said in a firm voice. With this task done, he made his way across the dorm room to the small group. "Good afternoon to you as well Remus, and I think I have the right because I hate the snakes as much as you do and I don't want your plan to fail. He suddenly conjured a blackboard which he touched with his wand, and began his dissertation.

  
  


Suddenly words and diagrams began to flow across the blackboard like quickly growing plants. "you see my dear friends, your plan is, if I understand it correctly, to hurl a rather large payload of dungbombs at a certain Severus Snape from a rather high window while he is on a, shall we say, midnight rendevous with an unlucky, not to mention obviously blind, young Ravenclaw lass. But as you will notice through the magic of these detailed schematics, there is no way that the "gift" can reach it's recipient given it's massive weight." At this, the largest member of the group, a young man with black hair that reached his shoulder blades, gave Tim a rather odd look. "Tim, are you implying that we are a group of five-pound weaklings that throw like girls?" after several seconds, the young man spoke, his voice charming and sibilant. "Of course not Sirius, I would never imply such a thing, I mean, James is definitely the most talented chaser that Gryffindor has had in decades. Your own physical abilities are not being questioned either, only a fool would do so. In the case of mr. Lupin, well, he's a werewolf, enough said. So no, the strength of your groups members isn't being brought into question. But at it's weight, even Hagrid would have a hard time flinging that massive bag full of dungbombs. And at it's weight and at the angle that its being thrown at, there's no way in heck that it's going to reach it's target, regardless of the throwers strength." Sirius looked placated, so Tim continued.

  
  


"But...I might have a method of making this plan work" Said the thin youth in an almost conspiratorial voice. "What? WHAT?!" said the assembled pranksters in unison almost sounding like baby birds begging to be fed. Tim waved his wand at the blackboard and the explanation and diagrams were replaced with three words: "the featherweight charm". Tim pulled a rather large book out of the bag that he had brought with him and dropped it in the middle of the group. "Page 726, about halfway down the page. And by the way, Madam Pince wants that book back in the library by this coming Friday." He suddenly stood up, dispelled the blackboard with a gesture of his wand, and turned to leave. "Be sure to keep me up to date on your progress guys." he said to the hooting, cackling circle of young men as he closed the door and went down to join the rest of the Gryffindors in the common room.


	2. Chapter 2 - Strange Conversation over Br...

The Fifth Marauder

(Chapter Two)

  
  


((Early the Next Morning...))

  
  


"Well, James, I can easily say that at this mornings practice we saw one of the oddest plays in the history of Quiddich: a chaser trying to use his own body as a quaffle..." "Hey, I didn't see the goalpost, ok! Besides.." Said the smirking James Potter, "at least I did my job, Mr. "I'm a seeker but I'm afraid of the snitch"!" 

  
  


"That was not a snitch!" Said Tim Cline, brandishing a forkful of the pancakes that he had just speared. "A snitch is small, golden, and has little silver wings. The thing that I was "afraid" of was hard, black, and was hurtling at my skull. The thing I was afraid of was not the golden snitch, it was a bludger. A bludger that had just been hit by a certain beater who will remain nameless." With the last word Tim shot a rather nasty look at Sirius Black, who was sitting across from him at the Gryffindor table in the great hall.

  
  


"It was an accident!" Sirius practically shouted. "I've said that a thousand times since it happened." "Oh, of course it was an accident Sirius, I believe you." said tim, his words literally dripping sarcasm. "Just like that incident last week when you "accidentally" pushed my wheelchair down the dorm steps!" "Hey" Said Sirius hotly, starting to lean across the table. "That was an accident" "No it wasn't" Said Tim, also beginning to lean across the table. "How can you say that" Said Sirius, leaning even closer to Tim. "Because" Said Tim, leaning so close to Sirius that there noses were almost touching. "You were laughing!" 

  
  


Sirius fell back into his seat grinning like a Cheshire cat. "You weren't hurt, were you" He said giggling. "Well, I only got two cracked ribs, one broken one, a twisted ankle and a shattered collarbone, so no, I guess I wasn't that badly hurt." "Then why are you so angry about it" Said Sirius in a rather confused voice. "I'm not really angry, it's just the principle of the thing. I don't think you should continue tormenting me constantly considering that I have saved several of your pranks from the jaws of failure." "But Tim, who will we test our pranks on if we don't use you?" Piped in James in a slightly whining voice. "I mean, we kinda broke Peter in that respect with the "dungbomb incident" last quarter." At the mention of "the dungbomb incident" Peter began sobbing slightly causing Remus to put his hand on Peter's shoulder comfortingly. 

  
  


"Hufflepuffs!!!" Tim said in a voice that was probably just a bit too loud for the situation. "I mean, just look at them over there, shoveling down there breakfast like cattle chewing there collective cud." At this, all four of Tim's companions looked over at the Hufflepuff table. It was indeed a rather disgusting spectacle. "Half of them are eating with there mouths open and the other half seemingly haven't discovered the fine art of eating with utensils." Said Remus, his face a mask of cultured revulsion. 

  
  


"Who are?" Asked Lily Evans, a close friend of the marauders and James' girlfriend. "Hello Lily." said Tim, Sirius, Remus and Peter almost simultaneously. "Hi Guys! Hello Jamie!" She said, nuzzling up against James. At this wanton display of affection by the happy couple Tim's face scrunched up in mock disgust. "Being as cute as you to are together should be illegal." He said teasingly. Hearing this, both James and Lily shot rather cold glares in his direction. 

"We were discussing the eating habits of the Hufflepuffs." Remus interjected quickly. Lily chanced a quick glance at the table in question and wrinkled her nose in disgust. "They might as well do away with plates for those people and just put one big feed trough down the length of the table." "So, guys, how are you four doing with your little "problem"?" Said Tim, grinning nastily at the marauders.

  
  


"Oh, that, well...it's..." Said James nervously, glancing at Lily. "It's doing...pr..pretty well, i guess." "Ok, what are you guys doing to Snape this time?" Said Lily grinning at her boyfriend and his buddies. "Oh, nothing..." Sirius said, a rather demented grin slowly crossing his face. "...we were just going to feed him to Remus on the next full moon" At this Sirius put his arm over Remus' shoulders. A contemplative look crossed the pale young man's face for a few seconds and then he shuddered with disgust. "Bleagh, Sirius, the indigestion alone would probably kill me. I wouldn't eat Snape for a hundred million galleons!"

  
  


"Don't worry Lily, I assure you, there plan isn't any more horrible than usual." Tim said in a voice that he hoped would reassure the rather skeptical looking young lady. "I suppose we can afford to tell you it involves dungbombs." Sirius said cryptically. "Like that narrows it down." Lily said in her most sarcastic voice. "Everything you four do to Snape involves dungbombs!" "Hey!" Said Remus defensively. "Can we help it if were kind of stuck in an artistic rut?" "Yeah!" Added James. "It's not our fault that dungbombs are such a multi-purpose tool." 

  
  


"Well, since I think that I can be trusted..." Said Lily in a low, semi-seductive voice. "...perhaps you five wouldn't mind enlightening me as to what you are going to do to "the git"." "And why should we do that?" Said everyone except James almost in unison. "Because I want to help you." 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3 - Angst in the library.

The Fifth Marauder:

Chapter 3

By 

Tim Cline  
  


Tim Cline walked through the massive doors that led to the Hogwarts school library, supposedly the biggest collection of magical tomes in Europe. Soon after entering his favorite place to spend his free time, he saw a sight that almost made him laugh out loud. Sitting about halfway through the massive library were four young men, three of them standing around the fourth, who was sitting surrounded my books and hurriedly writing on several different sheets of parchment at once. The identities of the standing gentlemen didn't surprise him. He had seen them all in the library before, one of them more often than the others. It was the identity of the sitting young man that truly shocked him. He wheeled over to the group, a gigantic grin on his face. "Well, well, Sirius Black sitting in the library surrounded by books and taking notes like some form of savant." "This means one of two things, either the good study habits of Mr. Lupin and myself have finally rubbed off on you, or we should contact St.Mungo's because you have gone completely insane." "Hehehehe..." Giggled Sirius madly without even noticing Tim and writing something else in his notes.   
  


"Ooook...would one of you three please explain Mr. Black's sudden change in study habits?" Tim said to the other three marauders who were now sitting at the table. Both Remus and Peter looked as though they were going to say something but they both seemingly thought better of it and looked at James simultaneously. "Ok, since I have apparently been elected to speak for the group..." James said glaring at his associates. "I guess you could say that he was staring at the book that you gave us and suddenly he mumbled something about an "untapped goldmine". Then he ran across the common room and practically dove through the portrait hole. We practically had to run to keep up with him." "Hmm...so Sirius is doing a bit of research?" Said Tim, grinning in a way that made him look like a certain Hufflepuff by the name of Gilderoy Lockhart. "It seems that way." Remus said shrugging his shoulders in confusion. "Well, I guess I will leave you to your "noble" work Sirius, but remember this: "abeunt studia in mores"." Tim Said grinning then turning and walking to do some reading of his own. "Huh?" Sirius said, finally looking up from his frantic note-taking. Remus sighed and closed his eyes. "Practices zealously pursued pass into habits." He said in a sing-song voice, once again proving that the title of most well read marauder was, and always would be, his. "Huh?" Sirius repeated, sounding even more confused this time.   
  


"I meant that if you keep reading at this rate, I fear that we won't be able to tease you about being a twit for much longer." Said Tim, his face hidden by the huge armload of books he was carrying while trying to wheel his chair with one hand. He grunted in exertion as he hefted the rather large books up and sat them on the table. "I swear one of these days your wheelchair is going to tip backwards while you are doing that and you are going to be crushed to death." Said Remus, frowning slightly. "Yeah, why don't you ask one of us for help?" Said James with a puzzled expression. "Frankly?" Said Tim, his expression suddenly becoming serious. "Yes." All four marauders said nearly at the same time.   
  
  
  


"Well..." Tim began, his voice slightly unsure. "I know that this doesn't apply to you four, but in the past I've learned that some people, here most of them are slythriens, have certain opinions about people like me." "Such people tend to associate a person being disabled with weakness, and in there twisted world view, my asking for help would affirm there perceptions of me as a weak person." "I have spent too much of my life being told that I am basically a weak, delicate little thing and that I should allow others to do things for me instead of doing them myself." "James..." Tim said, looking at the leader of the little group. "You asked me a few weeks ago why I push myself so hard at quiddich practice, well, my answer at the time is that we couldn't win until I caught the snitch." Well, that's true, but it isn't the whole reason." Tim looked into the faces of the four young men sitting across the table from him, there faces were full of concern and support. Seeing this and feeling emboldened by it, he continued. "I thought if I was better than anyone else at nearly everything, be it academics, quiddich, prank research or whatever, people would be forced, even if just for a few moments, to forget the wheelchair and see the person sitting in it." "I know that probably sound kind of silly..."   
  


"No it doesn't!" Said Remus quickly. "Trust me Tim, I used to feel the same way." "I Just knew in my deluded view of other people, that the naysayers would have to reconsider if I did everything right." "That maybe if I was talented enough they wouldn't be able to call me a monster once they discovered what I was. "After a while I discovered that the same people said and did the same things no matter how I acted." "Unfortunately, now most of my rather obsessive behaviors have become habits." "abeunt studia in mores..." Said Tim, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Yes, so you had better quit it while you still can." Remus said, also beginning to grin. "Except when it comes to quiddich of course." Said James. The look on his face was fanatically serious. 


	4. Chapter 4 - Some coversation and surpris...

The Fifth Marauder:

Chapter Four

by 

Tim Cline

  
  


(A/N: Ok, folks, i just read a essay on self-insertion fics and mary sue- ism so I'm going to be very careful from this point on. So in that spirit, i present to you, a completely "Tim-less" chapter! )

  
  


"Well, that was...interesting." Said Peter as he and his fellow marauder walked back to the Gryffindor common room from the library. "Wormtail, that is quite possibly the biggest understatement of the last century." Said Remus, with a rather pensive look on his face. "I have a feeling that the four of us could have handled that a lot better than we did." Said James with a slight frown. "How so?" Asked Sirius. "I think we did pretty good, considering the circumstances." "Maybe so, but I still think that he could have used more verbal reinforcement of the fact that we still support him." Said Remus, still looking rather pensive. "I mean, he basically poured out his heart and soul to us." "Admitting to us things that he probably had trouble admitting to himself." "I mean, I almost cried listening to him, I can't imagine what it must have been like to say that to people that you consider rather close friends." "Actually..." He said frowning. "...I can, considering that the same emotions that were probably running through his mind were running through mine when I finally admitted my "condition" to the three of you." 

  
  


To the surprise of everyone, Peter took this opportunity to make his thoughts on the subject known. "Well, I'm sure that in his heart he knows that we support him and like him just as much as we always have." "But we all have experience with those little mocking voices that in Tim's case are probably saying something like: "Do you really think that they meant those things?" "Did you ever really believe that four of the most popular guys at Hogwarts could ever actually like you?" "Why, your nothing but a weak, pathetic little cripple who would love to have the famous marauders as his friends."

"Actually Peter, your pretty close there..." Said an oddly familiar voice behind the four friends. Their faces suddenly blanched as they turned around and found Tim Looking up at them with a rather odd grin plastered on his face. ((A/N: Ok, so I lied, he is in it a little bit...)) "Question..." Said Remus. "How long have you been listening to us?" 

  
  


"Well..." Began Tim. "Soon after you guys left the library a group of Slytherins, lead by a certain mindlessly bigoted git by the name of Lucius Malfoy came in, and since I wasn't in the mood for a battle of wits with a "man" who has the intellectual capacity of a particularly small piece of chalk, I went up to madam Pince's desk, checked out the books that I was going to look at, and got out of there before the twit noticed me." "OK, I have a question now." said Sirius. "Why didn't we hear you following us?" "The only thing you wouldn't have heard..." Said Tim, his grin getting even bigger. "Was me muttering a certain incantation under my breath, which you didn't hear because you were too engrossed in your conversation." With these words, the quartet noticed that Tim's wheelchair was floating several inches off the ground. "And as for your suspicions about what was going through my brain, all I will say is that Remus was right in the respect that I was rather afraid to tell you." "But in the depths of my heart, I knew you four wouldn't run away from me just because I've always doubted myself." Which I thank you for from the bottom of my heart." 

"Now, to get to happier matters, Sirius, did you find anything particularly interesting to use in our ongoing war against a certain hook-nosed-greasy-haired-Slytherin-slimeball-who-due-to-his-very-personality-deserves-to-be-pranked-to-within-a-few-inches-of-completely-losing-his-marbles?" "Oh did I ever!" Said Sirius, who, Tim noticed, was carrying an armload of parchment scrolls. "Well, shall we go review these plans for rationality and/or legality?" asked Tim, noting that they had reached the fat lady's portrait. The fat lady was reading a copy reading a copy of "Quiddich Through the Ages" but she looked up when the group approached. "What's the password you five?" She said, grinning happily. "Well Milady, I believe that it's "Vereor Leo" Said James, giving the fat lady one of his winning grins. "They'd better fear us!" She said, opening to allow the group into there common room "Go Gryffindor!" The fat lady shouted as she swung close. "I never knew that she was a quiddich fan." Said Peter, looking as if he was still trying to comprehend the idea. "I'm wondering where she got that book." Said Sirius. "Probably from the library painting in McGonagall's office. Remus said with a grin. At this they all grinned. They had all had ample opportunities to acquaint themselves with that painting. In fact, they had all spent so much time in the old witch's office that they could probably navigate it blindfolded and still not run into anything. Noting that only a few people were in the common room the marauders and there unsung partner in crime commandeered a table for themselves and got to work plotting newer and better ways to drive their Slythrein enemies out of there minds. 


End file.
